You are definitely familiar with what I am going to write. Has it occurred to you the unfathomable soundless crash which you experienced for the first time, and you could hear yourself make that murmuring promise amidst the heart piercing sobs that you’re never going to experience the same thing again because you are going to guard the most precious yet so common attribute that makes us too sensitive for our own kind? Who knew our greatest strength could also be our greatest weakness? Feelings. Familiar much? You have that right? You are containing it inside of you when you are reading this. Don’t get me wrong I am not expressing my feelings here as it is assumed to be the labor of the desperate. I recall that one of my first poem which happened to be published in a local magazine was entitled ‘’feelings’’, God knows what a ten year old me knew then about the very subject that today I stand groundless. All I am saying is that I am guilty of having feelings.
I had sworn to myself after my first heart break that I would never be careless again. Years after struggling to be scornfully wiser, I found myself making the same promise. Which of course lead me to analyze the commonness and the vagueness of the same thing and as a genius that I am needless to say I failed. Somehow I just mustered myself to share my thought with you because I don’t want to feel alone in this indefinite cycle. People randomly come and go in the breeze of which we forget that we are not a by stander, we are as involved. Most of the times we do not make an effort to stay or to make them stay and when we selectively try to hold on to them our expectations fall short. It is not their fault and what those bitchy quotes have to say about wrong people leaving is not true either. It is not their fault nor is it ours. What do you expect in a world where fakeness is given priority? And to be bluntly honest with you, my dear reader I am as fake as the world is because I blend in. Anyway that is not my topic, I am rather awed by how spectacular each day is getting. Living everyday and experiencing as little a change how can it be suddenly so profound? Who are making those changes and why is it happening?
Trust me I am no scholar but these miracles that happen every day is beyond my comprehension. Everything changes, yet it repeats. We move on but we make the same mistake again. It’s the human hunger… for more. Nothing has, nothing will, nothing ever will satisfy our hunger. Feelings are as selfish, it demands to be expressed but when we do so it is not enough. Feelings expressed are only a quarter of what it is felt. Therefore, it is never enough. I knew what the outcome of having feelings would be and yet in pride I swelled and declared and eventually the truth prevailed. I would never be happy because I wanted more than what I already had and same with the other person.
In the end, despite of wanting more we reluctantly oblige with limited happiness and that we call it a compromise. It’s our fundamental law on which relationships thrive and that is how a lifelong relationship is maintained. But feelings, refuses to be tamed. We don’t govern it; it governs us that is the reason why we have humiliating cases of unrequited love and poems. Feelings don’t compromise and that is why I doubt if it was ever meant for humans.
Power, Poem, Prose 